Lessons from my Septic Tank

The joys of homeownership paid us a visit this week.

First, the water dispenser on our fridge decided to stop functioning properly, leak all over the place, and need to be replaced. Thankfully, a few parts and a handy hubby and we are back in business. 

Today, he replaced the brakes on the Subaru because it was making a horrible squealing noise like cars do when they start demanding new brakes…

Yesterday’s situation, however, required a professional. For a couple of weeks, our downstairs toilet has been making a weird gurgly noise after you flush it. We initially thought it had something to do with the new innards Dave had to put in it recently (since it was running and needed the ball float mechanism replaced with a new situation), but that wasn’t the problem. We thought there might be a clog, so tried plunging it and even snaking. Made no difference. 

Then Wednesday, I went outside to look at the garden and got all kinds of heinous whiffs of sewage smell. 

{insert ominous music}

So Dave dug up the rose (and sunflower and weed) garden to expose the septic tank lids. He pulled one off and it became immediately apparent what the problem was. 

So we got the septic guy out. (How’s that for a superhero identity? SepticGuy!!!) 

We had to wait until the next day, and in the meantime, we desisted all unnecessary use of water/drains. No dishes, laundry, long showers, or flushing. That was weird. We employed the “if it’s yellow let it mellow” philosophy for about 24 hours. Do you know how hard it is to just walk out of a bathroom without flushing the toilet??!!

Apparently, this guy has found his calling in life and thoroughly enjoyed servicing, analyzing, and commenting on our septic tank. Even though we had our septic tank pumped last spring, the filter was majorly clogged. We’re not sure why, but oh well. It’s fixed now. Maybe it’s because for the last year and a half, we have all almost 100% pooped at home. Yay covid. 

But we learned some interesting things about ourselves from our septic tank. Yes, I know how thoroughly disgusting this is. Apparently, we eat very healthfully. According to SepticGuy, when you eat mostly natural foods, they break down faster and sink to the bottom quickly. Processed foods take longer to break down and stay near the top and middle. And all that stuff that “passes through” floats to the top. He asked if we are a lot of 12 grain bread. 

😂

And apparently, thanks to our healthy eating habits, we should have our tank pumped every 2 years. Seriously. Can’t make this stuff up. Maybe we should try to save ourselves some money by eating more junk. 

But it’s fixed now. We can flush, thank goodness.