do you know who you are?

for real? in a consistent sort of way.

if so, you’re lucky.

or maybe you’re normal, and I’m in the middle of some decade-long, no end in sight midlife crisis…

I seriously confuse myself. I never really know, from one day to the next, “who” I will be when I wake up in the morning. no, this isn’t some sort of schizophrenic, multiple personality disorder kind of thing. well, I don’t think so, at least. just kidding. I mean, yes, I’m rachel. yes, I’m my husband’s wife, my children’s mother, etc. that doesn’t change.

but who I am as a mother. as a wife. as a daughter. as a generation x-er. as a christian. as a coffee lover. as a 12 years through college-er. as a former literature major. as a public school grad, parochial school survivor, homeschool advocate but homeschooling chicken with TWO kids now enrolled in public school. as a former waitress, preschool teacher, tie-dyer, pizza deliverer, secretary. as a native washintonian and whatever else fills in the description of ME.

good grief, it really changes daily.

is. this. NORMAL.

I mean, really, I guess the fact that I’ve now got a rather significant portion of life behind me… meaning I’ve been places, done things, known people, had jobs, heard music, read books, been through all the predictable phases and then some…

everything. all of this. feeds into me.

me.

ugh. let’s get a little more self-absorbed, shall we?

[aside: perhaps I should warn the reader that MY blog is sometimes a bit of a celebration of all that spews forth from MY brain. I guess you could call this my therapy. sometimes I whine here. sometimes I confess. sometimes I rant. lately, I just post pictures of what my family is doing. maybe I haven’t had much on my mind. my mom is always telling me that I should keep my opinions to myself. I’m sure she’s right. however, as this is my blog, and reading by anyone other than me (including you, mom) is completely optional, I will continue to post whatever I feel like here. (love you, mom. you ARE so right and I’m working on the mouth thing… writing it out helps with that!)]

at any rate…

maybe I just feel like so much of who I am contradicts or conflicts with other parts of who I am.

it makes me confused a good share of the time.