bad blogging

so, i’ve been really bad about blogging lately. apparently i’m not the only one since hardly any of my bloggy friends post anything anymore either…

my excuse is different lately though… it’s not that i have nothing on my mind or nothing i want to write about, it’s that the stuff stirring around in my mind is of a nature that it would probably offend, shock or alienate most people who would read it.

am i the only one who does this? do other, seemingly normal, people out there walk around with thoughts in their heads that are so different from the actions of the masses that the sheer thought of people acting on them in any sort of numbers would cause some sort of major upheaval in the way our society lives? or is it just me? am i some sort of revolutionary or prophet, too afraid of saying what’s really on my mind, so as to make my ideas and opinions completely irrelevant? probably so. i guess i’m just wondering if anyone else ever feels like that.

somehow or other i’ve always felt like i was in the minority for one reason or another. true, i’m a caucasian, american female. i was raised in a middle-class household. i had two parents, one brother, and a dog. from a statistical standpoint, i’m pretty run-of-the-mill. i should fit in. and for the most part, i do a pretty good job of looking the part. when i was younger, all i wanted was to fit in. to be just like everyone else. i was tired of sticking out like a sore thumb for one silly reason or another… usually WAY amplified in my immature mind’s eye. NOW i kind of want to stick out, but for a real reason. maybe my whole, not quite normal, life has all just been preparation. training in not fitting in…

but i’m starting to get to contemplative here, and nobody wants to read that. like i said, this isn’t good blog material.

i really do want to write this stuff down though. i just don’t really have an appropriate venue for it. perhaps i’ll go back to my old days of journaling… only this time the pages won’t be filled with whichever stupid guy i had a crush on and how mean my mom is because i can’t see whatever stupid movie it is i wanted to see. maybe i’ll start another blog that nobody gets to read. just for my thoughts. who knows. maybe, after i die, someone will find this stuff and realize how really brilliant i was and the world will change. probably not, but it’s a fun thought. ;)