Skip to main content

homemaking 101... ponderings, ramblings... the usual.

so i've been analyzing lately (because that's what i do) why i get so frustrated with myself, my shortcomings in the areas of housekeeping and organization, creativity, cooking, etc. it would seem that i'm trying to live up to the expectations of june cleaver, or my grandmother, or something equally unrealistic. no, i don't expect to push the vacuum and baste a turkey in heels and pearls, (besides, i have the roomba, remember?), but i do expect more of myself than i have been giving currently. why?

i've been doing what i usually do when i have an issue i want to know more about; i check out every book the library has on the subject (organization problems anyone?). there are a LOT of books out there written by homemakers, for homemakers with a lot of different slants on the whole subject. interestingly enough, the view that disturbs me the most is not the one that suggests that God has decreed it so that women have no other calling than to be wives and mothers (although i do find that bothersome as well). it is the one that seeks to comfort women who are staying home with their kids because they feel 'stir-crazy' or like they are somehow wasting their lives (or brains) by staying home to raise their kids. i have NEVER understood this position. it's like people don't consider spending time with children to be a worthwhile thing to do. now granted, i'm coming at this whole issue as someone who earned a college degree which qualifies me to spend time with children professionally.

so why is it that i have found myself in the position of homemaker? well, for us, it makes sense. i'm not going to sit here and say that every mom should be a SAHM. for many that isn't an option financially, or for other personal reasons, they don't want to. seriously, if you don't really WANT to do this, by all means DON'T! your kids are certainly not better off in the care of a mother who would rather be elsewhere (and i don't mean hawaii). but here's the thing i've realized lately. i don't view this as 'staying home from work'. rather, i see it as 'staying home to work'. i currently have 3 young children (one not so young as i might wish he still were) and i can see no better use for my time and talents than to be with them. yes, sometimes i get a hankering to go out into the big working world and put on something other than jeans, and i certainly get a hankering to have a little more spending money. but just because i don't get paid for my work, doesn't mean it's not a job.

and that brings us back to my main point. i get frustrated with myself because i do see this as a job. a job that i am frequently failing at. if i look at what the job description of a homemaker would be, there are many places where i am not doing my job. items which, in any other profession, would be grounds for firing. but who's going to fire me? who is my boss? there are many who would say that my husband is my boss - a concept that i find laughable, mainly because of who my husband is (nothing against you, honey). the idea of dave getting all patriarchal and authoritarian with me is enough to make me fall off my chair. and i think i'm a little too much of a feminist to have wound up married to someone like that. so who then? my kids? God? i think perhaps the problem lies in the fact that i'm most likely my own boss. that situation just begs for trouble when combined with my personality. i seem to lack the motivation and organization required to be self-employed, and i can't very well threaten to fire myself.

there's part of me that likes to tell myself to 'not sweat the small stuff'. to enjoy my kids and not stress about how messy things are or if every meal is home-cooked. that those things don't really matter as long as my kids know they are loved and have a 'safe' place to come home to. but i know there's more to my job description than that, and if i don't fulfill my duties (yes, i consider them to be duties, and i consider them to be mine) then i'm not contributing my part to our family.

so how exactly does one with a tendency for distraction, a dislike of cleaning, and NO CLUE about cooking, decorating, money management, etc. successfully run a home? i guess i might not be qualified for this job. who knew?

Comments

  1. BrendaOctober 7, 2008 at 9:05 PM

    So you've said everything I feel about the situation myself. It is a job to stay at home and raise your kids, that's why whenever I've had a "9-5", I considered myself as having 2 jobs. But just because you choose to focus on the job that means the most to doesn't mean you're going to be great at it. It means you'll try harder, and in that case be harder on yourself when you fall below your own expectations. Are you growing questionably colored smelly furry things in your house? Do you have an inordinate amount of pests around? Is your family hungry? If the answer is no to these questions, then you're doing alright. Now get to dusting!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. rachelOctober 8, 2008 at 7:29 AM

    by pests i assume you're not referring the 4 i'm supposed to be feeding, right?

    ReplyDelete
  3. twinmommyOctober 8, 2008 at 8:08 AM

    Just went through this same exercise with Luke on Sunday afternoon. Perhaps it's the change of the seasons that makes us reflect like this?

    Anyway, being the engineer he is, we made a list of duties, then ranked them 1-5 on how well they're being done and then ranked them again 1-5 on how important/vital they are to be done. Turns out we're doing better than we thought, but there's still plenty of room for improvement.

    You're not alone in this, Rachel. I know several people feeling similarly right now.

    ReplyDelete
  4. cbqOctober 8, 2008 at 7:58 PM

    The idea of Dave bossing you around makes me giggle.

    I've been at your house, it is definately a job, and one that I think (from someone who doesn't have kids but thinks she knows them pretty well) that you are doing a great job at. Your kids are smart, hilarious, well behaved, polite, etc, etc. i couls rave on and on because i love your kids.

    So glad to find out you blog! hope all is well!

    Jenna

    ReplyDelete
  5. Mountain WomanNovember 21, 2008 at 11:11 AM

    Uh, yeah. You said it, sister. It is a job. I think the results are intangibles though. As much as we SAHMs might count each dirty dish, each day since cleaning x,y and z, etc., those are side work (as we used to say in the service trade).

    I saw a sig quote recently, attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt, that said this: Happiness isn't the goal, it's a byproduct.

    Regarding the nature of caring of kids, work, and what we gain-- what we teach-- well, maybe one can't have it all. Perhaps the trying is what matters the most... you transmit your values by your actions.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

all comments are moderated. unkind comments will be deleted.

you may like...

for my not-so-american friends

i didn't have an actual roll w/ the green plaid on it, but i found a refill and an empty roll in my junk drawer (yeah, i know, that should tell me something).  but even the empty one says 'scotch' on it.  there you go!  SCOTCH TAPE!
8 comments
read more »

it just keeps getting better...

so obviously, from my earlier post, the dinner-making portion of my day was a little less than spectacular.  oh, that was just the beginning. dave worked late today. after dinner, i ran a bath for the younger 2 and in the process of getting them from the dining room to the bathroom, micah knocked the container of cheerios off the table and they dumped ALL OVER the floor.  i scooped up what i could and threw it back in the container, then, mindful that the water was still running in the tub and i didn't want to flood the bathroom, i herded the kids into the bathroom and dumped them into the tub. i went back into the dining room and proceeded to sweep up the mound of cheerios that was left on the floor, all the while keeping an ear open for both voices and giggles in the bathroom (as long as you can hear them, their heads are above water, right?).  that took all of about 2 minutes. i looked in on them (both happy as could be) and discovered that both of my younger, happy ch
4 comments
read more »

white wine marinated pork chops recipe

this recipe comes from the weber’s REAL GRILLING cookbook and is my family’s recent favorite way to have pork chops. shane thinks these are the best food he’s ever eaten, and will generally eat 2!  i think layla asked for seconds as well, and micah pretended they weren’t on his plate… which is typical.  we’ve made them on the grill, or broiling in the oven, and both are equally good. 1/2 cup dry white wine 1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil 1/4 cup roughly chopped fresh thyme (I have used dried as well, and it works fine) 1 tbsp minced garlic (think I used a clove, maybe two) 2 tsp kosher salt (this was a little much. I think the second time I made them I reduced it to 1.5 tsp.) 1 tsp freshly ground pepper pork chops (4 or 5) whisk ingredients together in a bowl. place pork chops in a large ziplock and pour in marinade. seal and turn several times. refrigerate for 2 hours, turning once or twice.  allow chops to stand at room temperature for 20 to 30 minutes before grilling. remove f
Post a Comment
read more »

tater tot casserole recipe

i realized i forgot to post this last week when we had it.  i actually like it a little better than the hash brown one, but both are good.  it’s VERY similar. once again, this is something i’ve made so many times that i just kind of wing it now, although i do have the recipe that kate sent to me after she made it for my family when micah was born. i like to keep the recipe because it has some little ‘britishisms’ throughout, just like kate! ;-) who, by the way, rocks, having called to check up on me the other evening when she saw that the power in our area was out AGAIN!  thanks kate, smooch smooch! but now i’m getting distracted… big surprise. here goes. you will need: 1 lb or so ground beef (or ground turkey) 1 chopped onion a bunch of veggies (kate’s recipe calls for a ‘tin’ of mixed veggies, but i use fresh carrots & celery if i’ve got’em, frozen beans, peas, corn, whatever).  maybe 2-3 cups. 1 can (or tin) of cream of something soup (i use celery usually
2 comments
read more »

the swimsuit rant

i’ll forewarn you that most averaged-sized women will probably not appreciate this post very much. i understand. i’ve been (either directly or indirectly) the object of various hatred more than once. i am not an average-sized woman. i’m only 5’1” on a good day, and i’ve never donated blood because most of the time (when not pregnant – and therefore not allowed), i don’t weigh enough to do so. i do not ‘diet’, so to speak, nor do i work out compulsively. i try to eat healthy food, for the most part, and i try not to sit on my butt all day. this is just the way i am. our current culture views me as ‘lucky’ to have this body type. whatever. a couple hundred years ago, people would have considered me ‘unhealthy’. i am what i am. i am small woman. as the Lord has seen fit, i am a small woman who has given birth to 3 children. as i see fit, i am a small woman who wishes to exercise a bit of modesty, even when swimming. unfortunately, the swimwear industry, seems to think that the only
3 comments
read more »