Growing in patience

I am an outrageously impatient person.

This was revealed to me (again) today as I was pestering my poor husband with questions about kindle unlimited.

You see, I like to read books. I get bees in my bonnet all the time on various subjects and want to do research and read ALL the books on the subject de jour as soon as possible. Part of this urgency is due to the fact that I have a rather short attention span, and I know the next bee is just around the corner, and will be pushing its way into my bonnet at any moment, thereby edging out the current one. So with books, I rely a lot on the library. I place holds, pick up books, get them on my kindle if it’s faster.... But the library’s selection can be somewhat limited, especially when it comes to non-fiction or obscure books that I frequently find myself searching. Or, the wait is so long, by the time I get it, I will have forgotten why I wanted to read it! But paying for books is not something I’m keen to do. I’m so spoiled by the library, that the idea of BUYING a book seems ludicrous. Sure, maybe if it’s a classic or a really good novel I know I want to read again or want my kids, grandkids, and great-grandkids to read, then yes - that’s a book I want on my shelf. But otherwise, I’d rather borrow.

So I was hoping that kindle unlimited might be like Spotify for books. Sadly, it’s not exactly as unlimited as it would have you believe. I felt very indignant about this. Why shouldn’t I be able to get any book I want, any time I want it, without having to pay for it?!?!

How very Veruca Salt of me. Don’t care how, I want it now!

It’s not only books I’m like this with. Really, what’s driving a lot of my colossal impatience, is the idea that I should be able to KNOW all the things. Right now. I want to figure out the workings of the universe. I want to understand how it is that the eternal Word of God pertains to current issues that are so difficult to navigate. I want to know how to make sense of the various understandings of the covenants between God and his people and how exactly that affects me and what I do and how I do it. I want to know exactly what I believe about ALL THE THINGS so I can know how best to teach it to my kids. Or so I’ll have the right answer to tell the person I’m likely to have a conversation with TOMORROW!

You see? It all just feels very urgent.

But I think that all my years of impatience have helped me to learn something.

You cannot know know everything all at once.

You cannot actually even know everything! Ever!

And it’s ok if you don’t know it all. Sometimes, simply the searching is enough.

Sometimes, you aren’t ready to fully understand something until a later point in your life.

Sometimes, you simply don’t get to know everything because you need to learn patience and learn to trust the Teacher.

Besides, if I knew everything already, what would be left to research?

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for my not-so-american friends

i didn't have an actual roll w/ the green plaid on it, but i found a refill and an empty roll in my junk drawer (yeah, i know, that should tell me something). but even the empty one says 'scotch' on it. there you go! SCOTCH TAPE!

micah's first word.

are you ready for it? "this" not very profound, i know. but he goes around pointing to stuff going, "this?" and then he'll point to something else and go,"this?" it's pretty cute. (and yes mary, reminiscent of lily. we're working on 'that'.) ... i'm taking shane to the doctor today. he's been having some random bouts of feeling like he's goint to throw up. he never does, but it's usually been at night and i'm getting tired. today's the first day he's felt bad during the day, but he was awake for a couple hours last night and today he said he wanted to go to the doctor and find out what's wrong with him. so we're going. ... i don't know if i ever mentioned that we finally got layla's doctor to refer us to an allergist. YAY! so now we've been in the holding pattern of trying to make an appointment and being unable to because they don't have all the info they need from her doctor...

a blue period...

i'm feeling really lazy lately. well, some might think i'm lazy all the time, but it's worse right now. i always get really down on myself when i'm having trouble keeping things organized, when my house is a mess, when we eat mac and cheese for dinner, etc. usually that's appropriate motivation to get me off my butt and make me keep things in some sort of relative order. but night now it's really bad. i don't feel like doing anything. there are toys all over, and i purposely make myself not see them because i just don't want to pick them up. same with the dirt behind the door in the bathroom. the pile of clothes that need to be ironed, the mess in my bedroom, the crap falling out of the drawers in my bathroom, the garage. i don't want to go grocery shopping. i don't want to cook. the floor needs to be swept and mopped in the kitchen and dining room and the sink is dirty. the backyard is a total disaster and i just don't feel like ...

someone googled this stuff and found me!

these are as is... spelling errors and all. how to use a bathroom scale seriously? how hard is it? if you want step by step instructions, read this . washing machine doesn't empty bummer dude rachel's restroom i seem to remember someone predicting, when i was in high school, that i would go into the portable restroom business some day... "locks of love" site:blogspot.com because i'm totally the authority on that sort of thing. my hair is still in a ziplock bag waiting to be mailed. http://rambling-rachel.blogspot.com/ i think you typed this in the wrong place does 2 year old talk with imagination is there any other option? SLUDGE IN WORM BIN yummy. diapers to bed well, considering the other option... yes, please! imagination and 2 years old once again. 2 year olds do like to use their imaginations. loose change in my washing machine what priceless wisdom are you looking for here? how to get some? where did it come from? what to do with it? duh! rachel joe...

purge.

I have a major fear of being a pack rat. I definitely have the tendencies, and that paired with the domestically challenged aspect makes me a prime candidate to wind up on that disturbing show ‘Hoarders’. What’s worse, I see these tendencies in my son as well. Yes, The Pack Mule, could easily become The Pack Rat. At any rate, I’ve been doing some major purging this past week. I really don’t like that we’re the kind of people who just don’t get stuff done. You know what I mean. There are the type of people who, upon getting an idea, or seeing a need, immediately take the steps to make it happen. Not us. We’re the type of people who sit on stuff. But… I’ve been doing really well, and I’m quite pleased with what dave and I have accomplished. Yes, I’m prodding him into this too. Here is the list of what we’ve gotten out of our house so far: 2 old mattresses (To the dump. They’ve been sitting in our garage for at least a year. That’s what I mean by not getting stuff done.) 1 ...

rachel's continued ramblings

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