do you ever feel at odds with yourself?
i constantly feel like i'm a big wad of contradictions. and being the living-in-my-head, overthinking type i can spend years, i mean hours pondering things. it can really get me down. example: diapers. one would think that this was a relatively easy thing to handle. i've got 3 kids. i'm pretty familiar with diapers. it seems so simple; your baby needs a change so you take the old diaper off and put a new one on. done. right? no. i have this constant dilemma going on. cloth or disposable. i have 25 perfectly good fitted cloth diapers that i paid a lot of money for when i decided a couple years ago that i was done filling up landfills. so micah wears them a good share of the time. but it bugs me that they're so bulky, especially with the covers on and clothes fit funny and that totally drives me nuts. so at home, he just wears the diaper w/ no cover and when we leave the house, i put a disposable on him. not usually a big deal, but it won't be summer forever and then there's the whole pants issue. you can't use a cloth diaper w/ no cover with pants and in january, it's too cold to not wear pants. and besides, baby clothes are so cute and i'm only using the top half of his wardrobe. i also think that the diapers get stinkier when you use the covers (probably because you haven't noticed that they're wet and you leave the kid in them longer) and it also kind of irritates his skin when i use a cover. but there's the environmental issue to think about and then, of course, there's the financial issue. the cloth diapers are already paid for. every disposable used means one more that i have to keep paying for. and then there's the disposable dilemma. i know people (and i mean most people by this) who pick a brand of diapers (usually huggies) when their first kid is born and stick with it until the last is potty trained. not me. when shane was born, i used huggies for awhile and then pampers. not sure why. i think it had to do with what costco carried and what sorts of cool freebies you could get with the points. i had heard that luvs were cheaper, but at the time, they had barney on them and there was no way i was going to have anything to do with that. i told you... i overthink things. so with layla, happily, barney had been dismissed in favor of blue's clues. i like blues clues! this made me happy. luvs are cheaper (especially at target) and they smell good. well, that brings up another issue. what is that smell? that can't be good for your baby, right? and layla has such sensitive skin anyway i hate to put anything extra next to it. not a huge deal since she only wears one diaper a day (when she goes to bed) but still, i decided to get something different. right now it's been the target brand, because they're the cheapest at target and i'm there anyway because that's where i buy the luvs for micah. yes, i know. what about the whole smell issue? still bugging me. but i don't like the target brand for every day. they're not as good of a diaper. not as stretchy and they get all bumpy when they're wet. so i still buy the luvs. but this shouldn't really be a big issue because i'm using the cloth ones most of the time, right? it still requires a great deal of thought, apparently. my latest idea is that i will get a big box of the costco brand diapers next time i'm there. why? who knows. quantity? no smell? price? i really have no idea. oh, and i almost forgot the lesser evil of disposables, the chlorine-free seventh generation diapers. i used those for a long time, but they're so freakin' exensive. i can't seem to justify it lately, even though i know i should and i therefore feel guilty every time i buy a kind of diaper that's not chlorine-free.
and this whole thing occurs to me EVERY TIME I CHANGE A DIAPER!
seriously, i have problems.