dave and layla went to the library yesterday and layla chose a couple books and a thomas dvd. last night dave read the books to layla before she went to bed. when he came out of her room, he handed me the books and said they could go back to the library. i asked if they were lame or something, and he handed me one of them called SAM'S TEDDY BEAR. curious, i read it and couldn't decide if it was appalling or funny. i finally decided it was appalling as a book for children, but absolutely hilarious for the same reason... and therefore definite blog material. at the risk of being sued for plagiarism, i intend to present this wonderful piece of literature for your enjoyment.
page 1: there is a bed with a blue and white blanket jumbled up on it, a brown dog, with it's front paws up on the bed, and an old school ceramic 'potty' on the floor.
"Look, there's Doggie!"
page 2: a blonde haired boy emerges from under the blanket and the dog looks excited.
"Look, there's Sam!"
page 3: the boy pulls a brown teddy bear from under the blanket. the dog looks on.
"Look, there's Sam's teddy bear!"
page 4: the boy, still sitting on the bed, pulls the bear close to him. the dog is looking under the bed.
"Sam's teddy bear is nice."
page 5: the boy is kissing the bear on the nose. the dog has apparently found a pair of brown shoes under the bed and is laying on the floor sniffing them.
"Sam kisses Teddy Bear."
page 6: the boy is is licking the bear's stomach. the bear seems to be wearing some sort of pinkish bloomers or a diaper or something like that. the dog is licking the shoes.
"Sam licks Teddy Bear."
page 7: the boy takes a chomp of the bear's nose. the dog is chewing up one of the shoes.
"Sam bites Teddy Bear."
page 8: the boy has tossed the bear into the air. the dog is sitting on the shoe it just chewed, looking surprised.
"Sam throws Teddy Bear."
page 9: the bear is standing on it's head in the potty on the floor. the boy is still in the bed looking alarmed. the dog looks at the bear, surprised, and seems to be attempting to climb into the bed.
"Teddy Bear falls into the pottie."
page 10: the bear is still head-down in the potty. the boy is reaching for the bear and crying, the dog is laying in the bed, under the blanket, looking at the boy. one chewed shoe and one intact shoe are on the floor.
"Teddy Bear doesn't want to stay in the pottie."
page 11: bear still in potty, boy looking like he's pleading, and crying, still in the bed. dog jumping off the bed.
"Here comes Doggie."
page 12: the dog is holding the bear in it's mouth, over the potty. the boy is peering over the side of the bed, his nose running.
"Doggie pulls Teddy Bear out."
page 13: boy still in the bed, hugging the bear. the dog has his front paws on the bed.
"Sam gets Teddy Bear again."
the end. yup. that's it. seriously. apparently there are two other books about sam too. they are advertised at the back of this book so if you're just dying to read more about sam, let me know and i'll shoot that info your way.